Its been a long time. I got the privilege of hanging out with some of you on monday over a dinner and some light gaming, and It really brought out the good old times. I remembered how much fun it was to game with all of you all. It brought back memories of how we used to game together all the time. In fact I sort of grew up gaming with you guys, since I was 16.
But then I realized, that the only person that was experiencing this nostalgia and joy of gaming was me. Thats because it turns out that you guys have been playing the whole time. I remember the events that made people take breaks. First it was Jaz, then Brian, all of you guys took some time off from gaming. I kept fooling myself. As far as I was experienced it, a year went by, and I was waiting faithfully until the game resumed. But I know that the game did go on, it just went on without me. It was Delcan, or Brain, or Jaz taking the time off, was it? It was always Sergei that was going to take the time off, and permanently.
Things like that happened to gaming groups, one person is a odd ball out and has to go for the benefit of the group. That I perfectly understand, but those groups are usually a gathering of gamers for specific task of playing a game, and to let go of a player is same as firing an employee or a team member. Those people strictly meet for gaming and nothing else.
I honestly thought that we were something more. I really though that we were friends. I literally watched Mat grow up into a young man. I saw his sister through out most of her life. I helped Brian with his roof construction and other projects. I gamed with him after his first date, and I gamed with him after he was married. David and I brought Aaron into the group. Me and Aaron worked on my graphic novel. We talked about writing a book together. I lost count of times that I went to movies or had lunch with you guys outside of the game. I spent more than five years with you guys, sometimes canceling trips just so I could stay and game. I mean this sounds like a group of friends, and not just some sort of gaming group.
But at the end, you were friends. You just never considered me a friend. If I was a fellow gamer I would have appreciated somebody sitting down and let me know its not going to work out. If I was a friend, then none of you have talked to me for over a year, and if David never came around you would have never talked to me at all.
What Im trying to get at is this: I feel that I was loyal to you guys until the very end. I believed in our group of friends, and I dedicated over five years to our gaming. I truly felt as If was a part of this awesome friendship. But to you, I was a disposable asset, a temporary place holder, a fucking waste of space. Because none of you even gave a shit about me. Nobody except for David, saw me as a friend or even as a fellow gamer. Honesty, I cant even imagine how low I was on the totem pole or how little importance my presence was to you, for me to be just dismissed and be left behind with such ease and joy.
Even though none of you give a fuck: I feel deeply hurt and betrayed.
Merry Fucking Christmass, and A Happy New Year.
